


Renewed Passions

by Jena Bartley (jenab)



Category: Jurassic Park movies
Genre: M/M, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2004, recipient:Michelle Christian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-25
Updated: 2004-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-18 04:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/185249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenab/pseuds/Jena%20Bartley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alan rediscovers dinosaurs and Billy</p>
            </blockquote>





	Renewed Passions

The barren and dusty land shimmered under the hot sun. Alan Grant could feel the heat of the  
sun on his body as he lay on the ground. Sweat trickled down his face and body, making his  
shirt cling to him as he carefully wielded a toothbrush on the bones buried in the hard rock  
before him. His hat provided a bit of protection from the relentless sun, but he could still feel  
the weight of it on him.

In the distance Alan hear the sounds of the dig's other occupants hard at work. Usually, he  
preferred to be near the workers, partly to keep an eye on the newer students who had never been  
a dig before, and partly to answer any questions they might have. Today, however, he had  
deliberately chosen a more isolated spot to work in. He needed to think and the painstaking, yet  
routine work of unearthing dinosaur bones provided him with just that opportunity.

~"You liked dinosaurs back then."~

~"Back then they hadn't tried to eat me yet." ~

Two years and Alan still heard the echo of that conversation with Eric Kirby. Jurassic Park had  
changed him, made him fear the dinosaurs he loved so much for the first time. He still loved  
them after Jurassic Park, but not with the same passion or the same zealous pursuit that drove  
him to unearth their bones and lives. Because now he knew in vivid detail what it was to be the  
prey of a raptor or have a T-Rex breathing in his face.

Now, after being on Isla Sorna with Billy, and talking to Eric about dinosaurs and he and Billy,  
Alan found himself wondering about his passion for dinosaurs and about why he continued to  
study them when he feared them so much. He also found himself remembering how Eric still  
looked upon the dinosaurs with wonder despite being on the island for eight weeks at their  
mercy. Or the look of awe in Billy's eyes when he first saw a real live dinosaur.

That look on Billy's face reminded Alan of the first time he saw one of them living and  
breathing; of how the sight literally made him fall to his knees in sheer disbelief and awe. He  
started to remember other things as well, such as watching a baby raptor struggle to hatch from  
her egg and holding the tiny thing in his hands, listening to her cries. Or feeling Ellie kneeling  
beside him as they watched a group of brachiosaur move together in a herd, confirming in one  
single moment what paleontologists had theorized about for years. Then there were the raptors  
hunting him and the Kirbys and how Alan couldn't help noticing, despite his fear, of how they  
communicated with one another. The different sounds and cries denoting distress, the presence  
of prey and help needed.

Jurassic Park made him fear dinosaurs and lose his joy of digging up their bones to study them.  
Isla Sorna was making him realize that he could still find joy in learning about them even when  
he feared being killed by them.

There was a proposal sitting on his desk in his trailer. A joint proposal by the Costa Rican and  
US governments to head up a team of experts in palenotology and paleobiology and go back to  
Isla Sorna and Isla Nublar to study the genetically engineered beasts InGen had created. Both  
governments wanted him, the Dinosaur Man, to be in charge and no other. Not only for his  
expertise but because he had survived two encounters with them and learned from the  
experience. Ellie and her husband, Mark had acted as intermediaries, vetting the group to show  
Alan that the offer was completely legitimate.

Their arguments had been persuasive. They had mentioned his expertise and how he had  
survived two encounters with the creatures and, at the same time, learned from them. They  
pointed to his latest journal article where he had theorised on the raptors' resonating chamber  
and how they communicated with one another; and how Alan had used his experiences on Isla  
Sorna to support his theory. Such as using a replica of a resonating chamber to mimic one of  
their calls in order to draw them away from the Kirbys and himself.

Alan called himself the last of his breed. A digger, searching for clues in age-old rock and bones  
while others were turning to technology and the real live dinosaurs for their studies. Ellie had  
told him once to not be afraid to change and evolve, and Alan knew she wasn't referring to  
becoming more computer literate. To become the astronaut instead of the astronomer. Alan  
didn't know if he could change. He was happy digging in the dirt, but he also remembered the  
pure joy of seeing living dinosaurs living out or disproving his and others theories.

Did he want to lead this project?

A warm hand landed on his ankle jerking Alan from his thoughts. Rolling to one side Alan saw  
Billy crouched beside him, a set of digging tools in his hand along with a bottle of water and  
some food.

"Dr. Grant." Billy was smiling as he held out the water bottle to Alan.

Alan took it, their fingers brushing.

"Dr. Brennan."

Billy's smile widened into a grin, his eyes bright and Alan found himself smiling back. One  
month and Billy was still flying high from earning his doctorate. Alan couldn't help feeling the  
same joy, remembering his own graduation and pleased as well to see Billy obtain his degree  
with such noted excellence.

Billy stretched out beside him and selected a pick from his kit. The two of them worked quietly  
for a while, the sound of their scraping and brushing loud in the stillness of the afternoon.  
Billy's foot occasionally brushed against Alan's, a not so subtle reminder of Billy's presence  
beside him.

Then there was Billy, reckless, determined, fearless Billy who was the astronaut. Billy who did  
foolish things like stealing raptor eggs because he wanted to help Alan, or leap off cliffs to save  
a boy's life. Billy who wriggled his way into Alan's life until Alan didn't know how he lived  
without the other man.

Billy had been the one person since Ellie who could draw Alan's attention away from his  
beloved bones. Like Ellie, Billy somehow managed to endure Alan's perpetual crankiness,  
impatience with fools and general grumpiness and still remained cheerful and happy. In fact,  
Billy seemed to take delight in provoking Alan, until Alan snapped at him or pushed back just as  
hard.

Since coming back from Isla Sorna, Alan's nightmares had changed. He didn't dream anymore  
of being hunted by a pack of raptors or feeling the fetid breath of a T-Rex in his face as it ripped  
him apart. Instead he dreamed of Billy being torn apart by the pteranodons Or watching him  
jump off a cliff with his parachute failing to open. He dreamed of losing Billy in so many ways.  
To the dinosaurs, to Alan's own stupidity.

Alan had seen the look of hero worship in Billy's eyes and had dealt with it the same way he had  
every time he encountered it from a student. He ignored it. Or tried to anyway. But Billy  
wouldn't be ignored and Alan found himself drawn to him with his keen mind and zeal for life.

He ached to reach out to Billy, to let the younger man do all the things he promised with his  
eyes. But he held back. Not just because he was Billy's mentor and Billy worked for him but  
because he was afraid that Billy's crush on him was just that. A crush.

Billy had a passion for life and all it offered him. Alan fear that what he had to offer Billy  
wouldn't be enough for him. That Billy would grow tired of being tied to the ground with Alan  
when he was always reaching for the wind.

And Alan had been both right and wrong about Billy. Coming back from the island and the long  
months spent recovering from his wounds, Alan had watched as the hero worship had died from  
Billy's face to be replaced by something more. Something Alan wasn't quite ready to  
acknowledge just yet.

They had both seen the other at their worst on the island and afterwards. Billy knew how quick  
Alan could be to snap at someone who failed to live up to Alan's expectations. The harsh words  
he had said to Billy and the look of despair and hurt on Billy's face still made Alan flinch even  
now. During Billy's recovery, Alan learned how sharp Billy's tongue could get when he was  
hurting badly from his injuries and how at times, Billy could rival Alan for being a stubborn,  
irritable bastard.

He and Billy had spent much of the first year after being rescued from Isla Sorna, circling one  
another, trying to repair the damage to their relationship and regain the level of comfort they had  
between them before the island. Alan hadn't realized how much Billy had become part of his  
life and how much he depended on Billy until things became strained between the two of them.

Billy had become his second in command, taking over the more mundane, day to day activities  
of running a dig, which allowed Alan to concentrate on his research and begging for new  
funding. They worked well together, comfortable with one another to the point where Billy  
accepted dinner invitations on both their behalf.

It was only in the last year that they had become easy with each other once more. Until they  
were back to what they had before Isla Sorna. Except some things were different between them.  
Billy no longer looked at him with eyes clouded by hero worship or the crush of a student for his  
mentor. Instead Alan felt at times as if Billy really saw him, the man. Not the Dinosaur Man or  
Billy's teacher or even the person who had survived Jurassic Park, but just Alan Grant, the man.  
There was a new look in Billy's eyes, whenever he looked at Alan. Something deeper and more  
substantial just waiting for Alan to reach out and embrace it.

And Alan was slowly learning to trust in Billy's feelings for him. That what he had to offer Billy  
was more than enough for Billy to love him and to stay with him.

A hard nudge brought Alan's attention back to the bones in front of him and the presence of  
Billy beside him. Billy nudged him again with his foot, as he carefully exposed a bit of bone.  
Alan shook his head, grinning a little and going back to work, highly aware of Billy next to him.

This little game of Billy's had started soon after their relationship had started to mend. Right  
about the time Alan had said to hell with it and seduced Billy into his bed. Billy had willingly  
allowed himself to be seduced, and it hadn't taken much to get him into Alan's bed. An open  
conversation between the two of them over what had happened on the island and a quiet dinner  
at Alan's home followed by Alan kissing Billy as they cleaned up in the kitchen.

Billy shifted beside him, one leg brushing against Alan's, deliberately. Billy liked to do this  
when it was just the two of them in some isolated spot, excavating. They would be lying on the  
ground, and Billy would nudge Alan or brush against him as they worked; a gentle reminder that  
Billy was there and a way to tease Alan.

Alan thought of it as foreplay at times. The heightened awareness of Billy beside him, drawing  
his attention away from the bones. His thoughts turning to sunset when it would be them alone  
in the trailer and Billy damp from his shower.

"Alan."

He looked over to find Billy watching him with serious eyes.

"Are you going to accept their proposal?"

Alan didn't have to ask what Billy was talking about. He had shown Billy the research proposal  
a week ago, letting him read it over and allowing Alan stew about his decision while Billy  
played devil's advocate.

Was he going to accept it?

Yes. His gut response was yes, he wanted to go back to the islands.

Was he still afraid of dinosaurs?

Yes but he could fear them and respect them for the animals they were, much like wolves or  
lions. And he had learned that his joy in dinosaurs had only been temporarily dampened.

Billy could read the decision in his eyes before Alan could even say it. Billy smiled, not  
surprised at all by Alan's decision. But then at times, Billy knew Alan better than Alan did  
himself some days.

"Of course, I expect you to come along with me. I want someone there I know is competent  
instead of whoever they decide to stick me with. Besides, who'll do my paperwork for me?"

Billy grinned.

"And what if I had a university practically drooling over me and offering me a tenure track  
professorship?"

Alan just looked at him. "You'd turn down the chance to study living dinosaurs to teach snot  
nosed kids and work in a stuffy academic environment?"

Billy just laughed.

Alan grinned, returning to work.

"Alan."

Billy moved closer to him. Alan looked over at him, seeing the still serious look in his eyes.

"I love you."

The words were said quietly and Alan felt his breath hitch. He had known, had seen the look  
Billy had been giving him lately.

He reached out to gently run calloused fingers down Billy's cheek. "I know."

Alan wanted to say more but the words wouldn't come. He wasn't any good at saying how he  
felt.

Billy leaned over and kissed him. Alan could taste sweat and dust on Billy's lips along with the  
deeper taste of Billy himself.

As Billy pulled away, Alan finally found the words.

"I love you, too, Billy."

Billy smiled and picked up his pick again. Alan watched him for a moment before returning to  
his work, feeling a happiness he hadn't felt in a long time.

The sun was still hot overhead but Alan ignored it, concentrating solely on the bones before him  
and the man next to him.

  



End file.
